525,600 Minutes
by heartlines
Summary: All this time, all this effort trying to prove that making islands of ourselves is the truest form of courage. All this time, all this effort wasted. Bravery, is the staring into another set of eyes, the steady voice, the four words softly spoken: I belong to you.


_**A/N: So this is not a new chapter of Playing House. :( But it's coming, I swear! There's actually a more elaborate idea behind this story, which I will explain in a much longer author's note at the bottom. Please please read that. But enjoy the story first. :)**_

_All this time_

_all this effort_

_trying to prove_

_that making islands _

_of ourselves_

_is the truest form_

_of courage._

_All this time,_

_all this effort_

_wasted._

_Bravery,_

_is the staring_

_into another set_

_of eyes,_

_the steady voice,_

_the four words_

_softly spoken:_

_I_

_belong_

_to _

_you._

_-Tyler Knott Gregson_

Sam walked down the hall and stopped outside of 8D. She looked at the door and walked away, walked back, walked away again. She did this about half a dozen times before stopping in front of the door and staring at it. It was crazy, she had been inside of this apartment a million times before. But the thought of going in now made her feel nauseous.

She turned around and faced 8C instead. The far more familiar apartment where her best friend lived...or used to live. It's been a month since Carly left for Italy and Sam had been getting by. She knew that it would be hard to have her best friend living on another continent but she didn't know it would be this hard. They texted and emailed all the time and video chatted at least three times a week but it just wasn't the same. Sam had to go to school everyday and look at Carly's empty seat beside her. She went to her locker and felt the distinct loneliness of not having someone to talk to as she ignored her books and instead dug around for a lost Fatcake in between classes. But the worst thing was that the one thing that Sam desperately needed to talk to someone about was something that she couldn't discuss with Carly.

She wasn't mad at Carly, she really wasn't. But the thought of talking to her best friend about the kiss she had shared with Freddie before leaving made Sam feel violently ill. It was bad enough just hearing about it from her the moment Carly had arrived in Italy.

_Sam had been so happy to hear the ring of a video call the day after Carly left. She abandoned the bucket of fried chicken she had been eating on her bed and sat at the desk in front of her laptop._

_Carly's tired but beaming face came on the screen and Sam couldn't help grinning back._

"_Hi Sam!"_

"_Hey Carls. So, how's Italy?"_

_Carly laughed. "I don't know, I just got here from the airport and its the middle of the night so I didn't really get to see anything. But first thing in the morning I'm going to go exploring and I'll send you lots of pictures."_

"_Great. Make sure to try all the meat!"_

"_Of course. And I'll think of you. How's the new bike?"_

"_Rides like a beauty."_

"_You be careful on it!" Carly said sternly, pointing a finger at her. "Always wear your helmet."_

_Sam rolled her eyes. "Yes, mom."_

"_Sam."_

"_I promise," she said._

_Carly nodded and smiled but Sam watched her smile slowly fade away._

"_Look, Sam," she said seriously. "I was thinking a lot on the plane and I need to tell you something."_

"_What is it, kid?"_

"_I kissed Freddie," Carly let out in a rush and Sam had a sickening feeling of deja vu. The familiar words, the kicked in the stomach feeling, the air leaving her lungs...it was all happening again, just like it did two years before. But somehow so much worse._

"_In the studio, before I left," Carly went on. "But it was just a goodbye kiss. I guess I just saw sweet Freddie, this kid that had a crush on me for the longest time and I wanted to say goodbye to him. And it wasn't until after that I realized he's also Freddie, your ex-boyfriend. And I really shouldn't have done that."_

_Sam was silent, taking all this in, and putting all of her energy into keeping her face an emotionless mask that betrayed nothing of what she was feeling._

"_Sam, say something," Carly pleaded. "I'm really sorry."_

_She swallowed and shrugged her shoulders in what she was hoping was a nonchalant looking gesture. "What are you apologizing for? We broke up awhile ago. It's not like I'm still pining for the nub. That's all over now."_

"_It really didn't mean anything," Carly said. "It was a short kiss and it was super awkward for both of us afterwards. It was like...kissing my brother." She laughed and then shuddered. "Ew, I just imagined myself kissing Spencer like that. So wrong."_

_Sam laughed hollowly. "Yeah..."_

"_Please, don't be mad at me, Sam."_

"_Why would I be mad?"_

"_Because you're not supposed to kiss your best friend's ex. It's like a cardinal girl code rule."_

"_When have I followed any rules? It's no big deal. You probably made the nub's year."_

"_Sam..."_

"_Look, I gotta go. I have to feed Frothy, who knows when my mom did it last. Have fun in Italy, kid!"_

"_Okay. I think my sleep pattern is going to be messed up for a little while because of jet lag so I'll call you again tomorrow around this time?"_

"_Yeah, sure."_

"_Bye, Sam. I miss you already."_

"_I miss you too, kid," Sam said honestly. The first honest thing she's said since Carly told her about the kiss._

_Carly waved and the PearChat window disappeared as she ended the call. Sam sat there at her desk for a long time that night, just staring blankly at her computer. She eventually went back to her bucket of now cold fried chicken and found she couldn't eat a bite. The kiss may not have meant anything to Carly, she could certainly believe that. But Sam would bet her motorcycle that the kiss meant something to Freddie. And she thought her heart couldn't break more after that night in the elevator. The nub proved her wrong._

Sam contemplated going inside of Carly's old apartment instead of doing what she really came here to do. Spencer was probably in there working on some new sculpture. He had really thrown himself into his art since Carly left. She and Freddie often came by and hung out with him to make sure he didn't burn the apartment down.

Freddie.

She sighed and turned around to face his apartment door once more. All she had to was go in. She could get everything she had ever wanted. But it was the fear of losing it all again that made her hesitate. It was the fear of losing what she and Freddie had built over the last few months.

_When the numbness from hearing the news faded, anger set in. But Sam wasn't angry at Carly, her well meaning best friend who was completely clueless on her situation with Freddie. Instead, she was angry at Freddie, her ex-boyfriend who just hours before had asked her if she wanted to get back together._

_Sam pulled on her jacket and grabbed her motorcycle helmet, ready to head to Bushwell to give the nub a piece of her mind. But when she opened her front door, Freddie was right there, his hand poised to knock._

"_Hi," he breathed._

_Of its own accord, Sam's hand reached out and slapped his cheek._

"_Ow!" Freddie rubbed his stinging cheek. "So I guess Carly told you?"_

_Sam moved to slam the door but Freddie was surprisingly quick, wedging his body between the door frame and pushing against it with both hands._

"_Sam, wait! Let me explain!"_

"_Explain what? You kissed my best friend, you jackass."_

_Freddie had managed to squeeze himself past her, the door slamming shut behind him._

"_I know, I know it sounds bad..."_

"_I don't care. You can kiss whoever you want. We're long over, remember?"_

"_Then why did you slap me?"_

"_Because you deserved it."_

"_Sam, I know you're upset but-"_

"_I'm not upset!" She yelled. "Get it through your thick skull, Freddie. I. Don't. Care. About. You." She punctuated each word with a forceful shove against his chest, until his back was pressed up against the door. "You know what I was going to say when you asked me earlier if I wanted to get back together? I was going to say not in a million years, you stupid idiot!"_

"_Then why are you crying?" He asked softly._

_Sam reached up to her cheeks, and sure enough it was wet with tears, dripping down uncontrollably._

"_Sam..." Freddie said gently, moving towards her._

_She backed away. She didn't want to be anywhere near him. She ran towards her bedroom, Freddie's footsteps echoing behind her as he gave chase. She reached her room a millisecond before he did and slammed the door in his face, quickly locking it._

"_Sam!" He pounded on the door. "Please just let me explain!"_

_She pressed her back against the door and slowly slid down to the ground._

"_Sam, come on. You can't stay in there forever."_

_She angrily wiped her tears away. She hated that he could still affect her so much. And worst of all, she hated that he saw it._

"_Alright," Freddie said. "If you won't let me in then I'll just talk from out here."_

"_The kiss meant nothing. I know that's pretty hard to believe given my...past history with Carly but its the honest truth. She kissed me and I'm pretty sure it was just a goodbye thing. And yeah, I kissed back. And maybe my inner thirteen year old self may have cheered a bit but I swear to you, I don't have feelings for Carly."_

_She stood up and violently opened the door. Freddie, who must have been leaning against it, almost fell over but caught himself on the doorframe. _

"_Just stop lying, Freddie," she spat out. "Its always been Carly! We both know it."_

"_That's not true," he argued._

"'_Is it too late for you to love me?'" She quoted._

_He closed his eyes. "That-that was stupid," he admitted. "But I didn't say that because I had feelings for her. I said it because...I couldn't get over you and I guess a part of me just wanted to go back to a time when things were simple. I pursued Carly, she turned me down, I shrugged it off and repeated the cycle. It was simple and straightforward. But you...you teased me and tortured me for years, and then you kissed me out of nowhere and we were together and then we weren't. And you were okay, you were going after that One Direction guy, and hanging out with Gibby all the time, and it was all so...complicated."_

"_So it was all my fault? I'm sorry if I didn't go around weeping my eyes out all the time. You broke up with me!"_

"_It was mutual!" He countered but backed off at the look on her face. "Wasn't it?"_

"_When Gibby, Carly, and your mom tried to break us up, you wouldn't let them. When you found out I ruined your NERD camp application, you stayed with me. You think that just because we don't have some stuff in common, I would have wanted to break up? I...I thought that we would get through it, that you wanted me enough to fight for us." She looked away, unable to meet his eyes. "When we were making out, I even thought we weren't really breaking up. But you still walked away at midnight."_

"_I thought it was what you wanted!"_

"_I gave you a way out and you jumped on it."_

"_Wait, that isn't fair. You can't just dump all of this on me, you agreed to the break up. You even started it."_

"_Because I couldn't be the girlfriend you wanted me to be."_

"_And I couldn't be the boyfriend you wanted me to be."_

_Sam laughed hollowly. "I kissed you, Freddie. I'm the one that had a stupid crush on you. You, with all of your geekiness about computers and trains and Galaxy Wars. You and your crazy mother. You and your lame jokes. I never wanted you to change. I fell..." she stopped herself. "I liked you as you were."_

"_You had a crush on me?"_

_She rolled her eyes. "Don't act dumb. I knew going into the relationship that I liked you more than you liked me. And I was okay with that. But then I thought..." She swallowed and furiously blinked back tears. "I was stupid enough to think that you were starting to feel the same way. And like an idiot, I had to test it. I had to test you. And you just went running the first chance you got. Right back to Carly, apparently."_

"_Sam..."_

"_Get out," she said._

"_Sam, you can't just say all of that and expect me to-"_

"_Freddie, there's nothing you can say or do to make me believe that you love me. Let it go. Carly's gone now, iCarly is over. Maybe this is where it ends for us now too."_

_He moved towards her, stopping just inches away. "I don't believe that. And I'm not giving up on us."_

"_There is no 'us'. Maybe there never really was."_

"_We'll see."_

Sam thought that would be the end of it. But Freddie, being Freddie, just couldn't leave well enough alone.

He sent her a text message a few days later, begging her to meet him on the fire escape. She was going to ignore it, the fire escape was the last place that she wanted to get shrouded with bad memories of her and Freddie fighting, which she was sure was going to happen. But she guessed there was a masochistic part of her, the part of her that could never really resist Freddie no matter how much she tried.

She showed up at the fire escape thirty minutes late.

_Sam saw Freddie standing against the railing, looking out at the millions of twinkling lights that made up downtown Seattle. The wind ruffled his hair and she could see the outline of his biceps through his shirt as he gripped the railing tightly. She almost backs away, knowing that this couldn't possibly end well for her. As mad as she was at him for kissing Carly, as much as she tried to stomp out and forget her feelings for him...it was times like this that Sam became very aware that she was still hopelessly and desperately in love with Freddie Benson. And it wasn't the 'Carly' type of love. As much as Sam loved her best friend, she knew that Carly still had a very shallow definition of being in love. Carly thinks she's in love with every cute boy that looks her way. Sam had liked Jonah, she had liked Pete, she'd had a few other passing crushes, and one foreign bacon-induced infatuation with Noseby Moesby. But none of them compared even a tiny little bit to what she felt for Freddie. When she kissed him, she felt a tingling in every inch of her body. And an absolute certainty in her heart that he was the last man she ever wanted to kiss._

_Sam started to back away from the window, she knew that coming here was a bad idea. But she had only taken two steps when Freddie turned around and her eyes met his. He lit up, his entire face beaming at the sight of her._

"_Sam," he breathed. "I thought you weren't coming."_

"_I shouldn't have come," she said, backing away._

"_No, wait!" He lunged her forward, grabbing her arm through the window. "Please, Sam. Just give me five minutes. What harm can five minutes do?"_

_It could ruin the one untainted memory I have of us and shatter the already broken pieces of my heart, she thought._

_Sam was already crumbling inside but she knew that outside, her face remained a blank mask, giving nothing away. She shrugged noncommittally and stepped over the window and onto the fire escape._

_She almost sat down on the window ledge but quickly moved away. They hadn't even come here when they were dating, what was the point of it now?_

"_I know you're wondering why I asked you to come out here," Freddie said._

"_It doesn't matter," she dismissed. "There's nothing that you can say that will change things."_

"_This is my favorite place in the entire world," he said and Sam looked at him._

"_I come here a lot," he admitted. "It's my place to think, to get away from the world. But for three years now, I haven't been able to come out here and not remember that night we kissed."_

"_Let's just skip the nostalgic trip down memory lane, alright?" Sam said impatiently. "We just did it to get it over with. I bet if Carly had come out here that night and offered her lips, you would have jumped on it eagerly."_

"_Probably," he allowed. _

_Sam thought she'd be immune to the kicked in the gut feeling by now. She was wrong._

"_But I'm glad she didn't," he continued quickly. "I'm glad you were my first kiss, Sam. Before it happened, I wouldn't have been able to imagine any universe where I would share my first kiss with you. But the moment after it happened, I couldn't imagine it being with anyone else._

"_Look, Sam. I know I've hurt you. I know I've made you doubt my feelings for you. But I asked you out here because this is sacred ground for us. I can't lie to you here. I WON'T lie to you here. I love you."_

_He moved towards her and took both of her hands in his._

"_I am in love with you, Sam Puckett. You are the first girl I've ever kissed and the last girl I ever want to kiss. I was stupid to let you go and believe me, I've been kicking myself since. You were right," he said, raising one hand to cup her cheek. "I should have fought for you that night. I should have known that when we spent those amazing last two hours together that you didn't want to end it any more than I did. But I was a coward. You...you overwhelm me, Sam. You're lightning and thunder and a rainstorm and I'm boring old Freddie. I thought it would only be a matter of time before you got bored of my anal retentive ways, my nerdy obsessions with computers and trains. Eventually, you would want someone that you can take to prison with you to visit your relatives and wouldn't almost piss his pants in fear. You'd want someone who can keep up with you, your endless wit and creative mind. Even if ninety eight percent of the time you use that creativity to do crazy, illegal things. _

_I thought it would be better to let you go than have to suffer through a dumping later. All I did was prove that I'm not worthy of you. And...I've been proving it even more everyday since we broke up. I've been a horrible jerk to you, Sam. I know it. Part of it was because I didn't know how to be around you and not have you be my girlfriend anymore. Part of it was because I was insanely jealous of any guy that you so much as glanced at, let alone talked to. And finally, it was also because I'm just a jackass that couldn't face my real feelings and the huge mistake that I had made."_

_A tear dripped down his cheek and Sam wanted so badly to wipe it away. But he still held her hand in one of his and even if he wasn't, the words he was saying had paralyzed her._

"_I'm not going to ask you to give me another chance. Not right now, because I know I don't deserve it. I know you don't trust me when I say that I have no feelings for Carly and that I'm completely in love with you. I don't expect you to believe my words when my actions have been showing you nothing but the complete opposite for months now. Instead, I'm going to work for your trust, Sam. Remember before we got together? I didn't see it at the time but looking back, we had gotten so close. We were friends...best friends. We spent so much time together back then, I think we did more stuff alone than either of us did with Carly. Especially during those months that she was dating Steven. Anytime anything happened to me, bad or good, you were the first person I would call or text. We lost that after we broke up and I really want to get that friendship back. So I'm going to swear to you, Sam. Right here, on the place that holds the best memory I have. And on something that I know is sacred to you." He reached into his back pocket and produced a folded rectangular piece of paper._

_Sam's eyes widened as she read it. "Unlimited maintenance on my motorcycle for ten years? Freddie, this costs a fortune!"_

"_I know how much you love that bike," he smiled. "And I want it to stay in the best condition possible so that you'll always be safe. I was going to get you a subscription to the Bacons of the World club but I don't want foreign pork products exerting any undue influence on you. So Sam..." He kneeled down before her on both knees. "I vow to you that I will be your best friend again, and that I will work everyday to gain your trust. And I hope, with all of my heart, that one day you'll trust me enough to let me into your heart again. But even if that day never comes, even if you find that you just don't love me anymore...I still want to be your best friend. For the rest of our lives."_

_Sam felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest with happiness. How could she listen to all of that and not want to kiss his stupid, adorable face senseless? So she pulled him to his feet and did exactly that. _

_He pulled away after a few minutes, breathing hard. "Sam..."_

"_Shh..." She moved to kiss him again but he leaned away._

"_Sam, I don't think we should jump into this again," he protested._

"_I thought this was what you wanted?"_

"_It is." He ran a hand gently through her hair. "Believe me, it is. But I think we should have some time. Time for you to think, time for me to prove that I'm serious about gaining your trust, time for us to get our friendship back. Sam, I don't want to rush this because..." He took a deep breath. "If we get back together, I want it to be the last relationship I'll ever have."_

_Sam took a reflexive step back, breaking their hold on one another._

"_I know you're not there yet," he said quickly. "We have time to sort all of this out. There's no need to rush."_

_He stepped forward and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to her forehead. "Goodnight, Sam. I'll see you tomorrow."_

Freddie had kept true to his word about getting their friendship back. The next day he was waiting at her locker to listen to her cranky grumbling about her mom borrowing her sweater without asking while she rummaged through her locker for a Fatcake that she could have sworn was in there the day before. They hung out at the Groovy Smoothie, they went over to Spencer's to watch his TV, eat his food, and keep him company, they video chatted with Carly two times a week. They established a routine and over the next few months Sam began to find it was getting easier for her to cope with Carly's absence. She still missed her best friend, but the emptiness in her heart was gradually getting filled by Freddie's smiles, his (lame) jokes, and his willingness to do something risky with her once a month in exchange for letting him tutor her in Physics and Calculus.

Three months after Carly left, Sam had made Freddie skip half a day of school and dragged him out to the beach. It was freezing cold and high tide so there really was no 'beach' for them to walk on but they spent the afternoon there anyway, sitting on a boulder and watching the sunset.

"_I've got a game," Sam said._

"_It doesn't involve oranges, does it?"_

"_No."_

"_Okay, what is it?"_

"_Truth or dare."_

_Freddie laughed. "Seriously?"_

"_Yes, nub. You go first. Truth or dare?"_

"_Dare," he said._

_Sam turned to him. "Really?"_

_He smirked. "Consider it my risky deed for the month."_

"_Fine. I dare you to run into the water."_

"_I can't do that. I'll get hypothermia!"_

"_Surrendering already?" Sam taunted._

_He shook his head but jumped off the boulder. He took off his shoes and socks, then pants, jacket and sweatshirt. Sam watched in disbelief, not being able to process that he was actually going to do it._

"_Freddie, wait!" She called but he was already running towards the water._

_She jumped off the boulder and watched as he ran waist deep into the water. Dammit, he wasn't really supposed to do it. The tide was too high. What if he got swept away in the undercurrent? They were alone on the beach, there would be no one to help._

"_Freddie!" She screamed. "Freddie, get back here!"_

_Sam didn't know if he heard her or not but he turned and went running back. _

"_C-c-c-o..old," he said as he came back to her, his arms wrapped around himself._

"_You idiot!" She yelled. "Why did you do that?"_

"_You-you d-d-dared me-e..."_

"_I didn't mean it, you stupid nub! You could have gotten yourself killed!"_

_He reached down for his clothes but was shivering too badly to keep a hold on them. Sam took pity on him and helped him put all of his clothes on. He was still shivering after she had bundled him up in his jacket and his hands were ice cold. Luckily, he didn't go in far enough for his upper body and head to get wet._

_Sam quickly took him to the car, where she piled him into the backseat and turned the heat on full blast. She looked at him and saw that he still couldn't stop shaking and his face was drained of color. She took off her jacket and then unzipped his, climbing onto his lap and wrapping her arms around his torso inside of the jacket._

"_Wha-what are you d-d-doing?" He asked._

"_Body heat, Fredward. Aren't you supposed to be the Science genius?"_

_Sam didn't know how much time passed as they sat like that. It was far too long and not long enough. She lay her head on his shoulder and rubbed circles on his back. She tried to ignore how good he smelled and how close they were, their chests completely pressed together. _

_Eventually, Freddie stopped shaking. His hands were warm again and the color was coming back to his cheeks. Sam pulled away, leaving his lap to sit down next to him. Freddie frowned at the loss but didn't say anything._

"_Sorry," she muttered._

"_For what?"_

"_For daring you to do that. Even though you were an idiot to go through with it."_

"_Last time I checked, going through with the dare was how you played the game."_

"_Not when it can get you killed!"_

_Freddie smiled. "You were scared."_

"_No, I wasn't," she denied uselessly._

_He took her hand in his. "Sam, I'm okay."_

_Now she felt like she was the one who couldn't stop shaking. "You could have died, Freddie."_

_He wrapped his arms around her._

"_I'm okay," he repeated, his warm breath brushing the top of her head._

"_Hey," he said, when she pulled away. "Truth or dare."_

_Sam rolled her eyes and shoved him. "Let's go home."_

"_I'm serious. Truth or dare."_

"_Whatever. Truth."_

"_What's your favorite memory?"_

_Sam looked at him. The first thing that came to mind was that day at the mental hospital when Freddie had walked right up to her and kissed her, when she was so absolutely sure that he was going to make fun of her and her feelings for him in front of all of the iCarly viewers. Their first kiss also flashed through her mind, and that night only a few months ago when he had promised that he would gain her trust back. A series of images of all of the good moments in their relationship went flashing through her mind._

"_Sam?" Freddie asked._

_She couldn't tell him any of that so instead she picked a random moment with Carly, not too long after they had met. It may not have been her top favorite memory, but it was definitely a good one and Sam didn't have to embellish any of the details or the good feelings as she told the tale._

"_Do you miss her?" He asked when she was done._

"_Everyday," Sam admitted. "Do you?"_

"_Yeah. It's been getting easier though, you know?"_

_She nodded._

"_And we talk to her all the time."_

"_Do you?" She asked._

"_Sam, we video chat with her every week."_

"_Yeah, but that's us. You must talk to her alone too, right?"_

"_Well yeah, sometimes we email or we'll video chat or call each other. Usually, not too long before or after she talks to you."_

_Sam nodded, having expected as much and not really knowing what she was getting at with this line of questioning. Was she jealous that Carly and Freddie talked to each other? That would be ridiculous, they were best friends after all. _

"_If it makes you uncomfortable..."_

"_No. It doesn't. It's just...it's nothing."_

_He turned her body to face him. "What?" He asked seriously._

"_Truth or dare," she whispered._

"_Truth." He chose automatically, immediately knowing that it was what she wanted._

"_Do you still have feelings for Carly?"_

"_No." He leaned back into the seat and sighed heavily. "Sam, I can't take back the past. And even if I could, I wouldn't. Loving Carly the way I did, chasing after her for so long...it's a part of me. I thought that I was in love with her, as much as a thirteen year old boy could be in love. But it wasn't real love. I had this idealized picture of what Carly was and what the two of us could be. In reality, she's nothing like that and we could never have the type of relationship that I imagined. My infatuation with Carly and growing out of it, those were two things that shaped the person that I am now. Without that infatuation, I wouldn't have agreed to be the tech producer for iCarly or, at least, I wouldn't have stayed for as long as I did. And through growing out of it, I was able to move out of the puppy love stage and discover something real. What I felt for Carly was a flame on a candle. What I feel for you, Sam, is an all consuming fire." _

_Freddie's face suddenly turned red. "When we were dating, I felt things with you and thought about you in...ways that I never thought about Carly. Ever. Not even that time when we almost dated because I saved her life. I wanted you, Sam. I still do."_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck, surprised that her heart was still in her rib cage with how fast it was racing at the moment._

"_You can have me, you know," she murmured, moving to close the distance between their lips._

_But he moved away before she could. "But I want all of you. And I'm willing to wait until you're ready to give me that."_

Sam had also taught Freddie how to drive her motorcycle and she would never forget the night he drove her all on his own all the way up to Canada, just to buy her Canadian bacon and Fatcakes. She would also never forget that when they got back, Mrs. Benson was waiting for them in the parking lot of Bushwell Plaza and fainted when she saw Freddie driving the motorcycle. After they had woken her up, she had dragged him up to their apartment by the ear and Sam didn't see him outside of school for a week. She hadn't realized how much of her day involved Freddie until that week that she had to go without him. She had missed him so much it physically hurt. And she had thought that it was impossible for her to miss someone more than she missed Carly. But her days were so...boring without Freddie.

Apparently he couldn't stand it anymore than she could because in act of defiance against his mother, who was threatening to never let him see Sam again, he packed his bags and crashed over at Sam's place. Her own mother was gone for the week, to Vegas or Reno, she couldn't remember, and Sam had been so happy to see him that she didn't even think about how awkward it would be to have her ex-boyfriend sleeping in her house.

"_Thanks for letting me stay here," Freddie said, as he finished washing the dishes after they had eaten the steak wrapped in bacon dinner he had cooked for her._

_Sam shrugged, putting her feet up on the table and leaning back in her chair. "I'm just glad you're finally sacking up against your mom. Why don't you just move out permanently?"_

"_For one thing, I'm not eighteen yet," he said. "And for another, I don't have the money to get my own place right now." He put the last plate in the dishwasher and wiped his hands with a towel. _

_He sat down across from her. "So, I guess I'll make up the couch."_

_Sam made a face. "Trust me, you don't want to sleep on that couch."_

"_Why?"_

"_Let's just say my mom entertains her visitors there sometimes."_

"_Oh. Ewww..."_

"_Yeah."_

"_So..." He looked away awkwardly, knowing that he really only had one option._

_Sam rolled her eyes. "Come on, Fredbutt."_

_He followed her into her room, where Sam picked up the clothes that were piled up on the side of the bed she didn't use and randomly tossed them in a corner._

"_I can sleep on the floor," Freddie said. "Really, it's fine..."_

"_And listen to you whine tomorrow about how much your back hurts?" Sam scoffed. "Just get in the bed, Freddie. Its not like you haven't slept here before."_

"_Yeah, but we were..."_

_She looked up at him and he avoided her eyes, scratching the back of his neck nervously._

"_Right," he cleared his throat. "I'll just...bathroom..."_

_He walked out of the room and Sam sat down on the bed, taking deep breaths. She couldn't let him see how nervous she was about this. As Freddie was about to point out, the last time she had slept in a bed with him was when they were dating. And although they never went past second base, the nights she spent with him were the most intimate she had ever felt with anybody. _

_He came back into the room in a t-shirt and pajama pants and Sam took her turn in the bathroom. When she came back, Freddie was sitting on the bed and he smiled nervously at her._

_She got into the bed and made herself comfortable and Freddie followed suit, sliding beneath the covers._

_They lay in silence for a few minutes, careful not to touch each other._

"_Freddie?" Sam asked._

"_Yeah?"_

"_What if your mom really won't let you see me anymore?"_

_He turned on his side to face her._

"_I'm not going to let that happen, Sam."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah. Even if I really do have to move out. I'm not going to let anyone stop me from seeing you, Sam."_

_Sam smiled and turned to face him._

"_Sorry I made you drive to Canada."_

"_I'm not. That motorcycle is pretty cool."_

"_Best thing in the universe," Sam said proudly._

"_No. Having your arms wrapped around me for the entire drive there and back was the best thing in the universe."_

_In their time together, there were times when Freddie would inevitably say things like this. Things that would remind her that ultimately, he wanted more from her than friendship. Things that would say or show her that he loves her. She never knew how to react when it happened. Her heart wanted her to go running into his arms, her head was telling her that it was too soon. Freddie never pushed her for anything though._

"_Goodnight, Sam," he said, gently pushing her hair back behind her ear._

_He closed his eyes and Sam looked at his hand, lying there on the bed between them. She placed her own hand over it. Freddie's eyes didn't open but she saw him smile, it was the last thing she saw before she closed her own eyes._

That had happened the week before. The next day, Mrs. Benson had come barging into the house while they ate the breakfast that Freddie had cooked, and begged Freddie to come home. He had agreed, on the condition that he could see Sam whenever he wants and that she could come over to the apartment again. Mrs. Benson had protested and yelled until Freddie said: "Okay, I'll just live here with Sam then." Mrs. Benson finally agreed to his terms, tossing Sam a dirty look behind her as the two of them left the house.

Sam couldn't deny that something had changed that night she had spent with Freddie. When she woke up the next morning, her head was lying on his chest and his arms were wrapped around her. It had felt so right. She felt warm and safe and loved. It was something that she hadn't felt in a very long time, if she ever really felt it at all. As she watched Freddie sleep beside her, she couldn't deny anymore that he still held her heart. In truth, she'd lost her heart to him a long time ago and she never got it back. But now, she felt like she might be able to trust him with it.

And now here she was, standing outside of his door. If she did this, there would be no turning back. Freddie had made it clear that he was willing to give everything to her, and he wanted no less than everything in return. Was she ready to give him that? Sam never used to think about the future. A part of her had really believed that iCarly would last forever, that nothing would change. But Carly was gone now, iCarly had been over for half a year, and she and Freddie were in their Senior year of high school. More and more, Sam was starting to think of the future and she couldn't picture one where Freddie wasn't in it.

Sam was in love with him and he was in love with her. Did it really have to be so complicated? Half a year ago, she would have said yes. Because of the Carly factor. But now that Freddie had spent months telling her and showing her that he had no feelings for Carly besides friendship, Sam had to reevaluate her feelings on the matter. Did she truly believe Freddie's feelings for her best friend was still a threat or was she using Carly as a shield? As long as she believed that Freddie loved Carly more than her then she could keep him at arm's length. If Sam let herself believe what he's been repeatedly been telling her, that he's in love with her completely, then nothing's stopping them from being together. But what if it didn't work out? Could she handle losing Freddie again?

A voice in the back of her head, that sounded suspiciously like Carly, whispered that she'd lose him anyway if she doesn't try.

What it came down to really, was whether or not Sam was brave enough to go after what she wants. If she had the courage to finally let her walls down and to let Freddie in completely.

She looked at her hand on the doorknob. She pictured Freddie's face and the hesitancy in his eyes before he kissed her for the first time. She saw the complete confidence in them whenever he told her in some way that he loved her. She thought about what it would be like to be with him in his bed, in his arms, surrendering herself completely. She thought about his face that night at the lock-in when he was giving her that speech about taking a chance.

She opened the door.

And he was there, sitting on the couch with a textbook. He looked up at her and smiled, his entire face lighting up in the way that it always did whenever she walked into a room.

Sam suddenly wasn't aware of anything except that one second she was standing in the doorway and the next she was in Freddie's arms, kissing the life out of him.

"Sam..." he breathed, pulling away a little to catch his breath.

"I love you," she said. "I'm in love with you."

He looked at her, and caressed her face gently.

"This is it?" He asked.

"I'm yours, Freddie," she choked out. "I belong to you."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "And I to you," he whispered. "I love you so much, Sam."

"I know," she said. And in her heart, she really, truly believed it.

Sam Puckett would love Freddie Benson everyday for the rest of her life. And she trusted and believed that he would love her back.

**A/N: Okay, so the chapters in this story will be one-shots. Some are interconnected and some are not. I will be using one word prompts, song lyrics, and quotes for inspiration. Some stories will be set in the show universe, some will be AU, and if you read my story Playing House, some will be set in that universe as well.**

**I'm also taking requests from you guys. I'll take anything: one word prompts, song lyrics, quotes, any scenarios you would like to read, alternate universe scenarios, missing scenes from the show, scenarios from the Playing House universe, or as I keep writing, sequels or continuations of certain chapters. The rating of this story overall will be T but the oneshots will range from K to M. I'll give full warning when I post a M rated chapter. If you have any M rated requests, feel free to leave them as well. So leave a review with your request or PM me and I'll try to get right on it. :)**

**And to give credit where credit is due, this idea is slightly inspired by shana852963's amazing fic Seddie Oneshots. I like the idea of having this mish mash of oneshots but having some of them set in a continuous universe. And this is kind of my way of writing a sequel to Playing House without actually writing a full blown sequel to Playing House. :) Hope you guys like the idea and don't forget to send me your prompts/suggestions.**

**The title is from the song Seasons of Love from the musical Rent. It's kind of random but I couldn't think of anything else, lol. And the summary will change eventually. I just can't think of anything right now.**


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